6 AM

Here I sit.. 6 AM.. After another night that I was up.. all night long. Every attempt to sleep failed... These nights are happening more and more often. I think I am going to have to ask my Dr for something. I hate the thought that I have to take something just to get the sleep that I need. I am having a feeling sorry for myself moment. I try not to... but it is hard. I don't want to take drugs to sleep. I don't want to take drugs to get through the day without pain.. I want to be able to do all the things that other young moms like me can do. I want to walk my kids to the park.. I want to have the energy to go grocery shopping and then still be able to do something fun with my kids. I am tired of being bored out of my mind.. and SO LONELY and not be able to do anything with anyone. I am frustrated with myself for being unhappy about being where God wants me. I love my family. I love my hubby I love my wonderful, beautiful boys. I love my house. I don't want to complain about the one hard thing that God has asked me to endure. I keep hoping with each new thing we try, that I might get a little better.. and each time I am disappointed. I am to where I don't even want to hope. I just want to get by. I just want to go through a whole week that I don't feel like a failure as a mom and a wife. Where I can feel like I did for my family what I should be doing. I want my boys to know that I do all that I can with them, and that I wish I could do more. Ok.. I will stop complaining now. Thanks for listening..and thanks for praying.