My once a month post...

I don't know how this has turned into something I don't do very often... I love connecting on here!! I am really going to try to do better!!! to start, I am going to do a GOOD post!! Pics and everything!!! I don't have a recent pic of me up.. cause I don't like pics of me.. so.. here is one. :)

Lets see... guess I put the pic of me up first.. so I will start talking about me.
I just started a new umm... program... to try to help my fibro.. it consists of LOTS of vitamins.. some hormones.. and a *gulp* diet... I think I can handle the 34+ pills every day. But MAN is it HARD to give up the foods that you love. I know it is good for me.. and if it helps, I will be THRILLED. And hey, worst case, maybe I will loose some weight!! *please Lord* So, I have done this for 5 days now. My desire for sweets and bread and milk and cheese are maybe a little less... maybe not. I don't know if my attitude is making it worse, or.. ya.. prolly.
The other new thing with me, is I have started babysitting a new little boy. He is 7 weeks old.. and he is a doll!! We are really enjoying having a bitty one around again.. especially since he goes home at night and I get to sleep all night.. (sorry Sarah... *wink*) So that is me.

Ethan... My biggest "baby" We found out while in Abq that he is about 5' 9-10" ish.. and *thanks to the shiping scale at DCI* know that he is 175 pounds. I look at this handsome, sweet, helpful, great kid.. and I go.. you are 14????????? My first thought is ALREADY??? Quickly followed by... ONLY?????? He acts sooo old but is so young still. He will start driving next year. Yes, I said DRIVING wow. This is wierd. He is doing really well in 10th grade. He is enjoying his one day school that he goes to for math and guitar. I don't know if he likes it for the learning as much as he does for the social time. He is getting really good at the guitar. Jeremy taught him the basics.. he has worked on that on his own since we got here and taught himself some. I am really glad to be able to have him back in lessons so that he can really grow and learn and enjoy his music... and getting a little bit more timing training won't hurt.. :)
We have also had our first experiance with a "special girl" this year. She is a doll. She and Ethan are good friends. I know there has been a disagreement between them that has lowered her... "special" status.. *we don't do the boyfriend girlfriend thing.. but if we did, you could say they broke up.. :)* It is strange to be in this place.. because A. we didn't think it would be coming so soon.. and B. it is a deffinately learn as you go thing... I don't ever want him to think that we don't value his feelings as a person. Make him think that he couldn't have "real" feelings for a person. BUT we are working hard at training him on GUARD YOUR HEART!!! God has a special girl just for you and you want to be able to give her all of you.. and what you give to other girls too soon, can't go to her!! On the positive side.. they are so young.. there was no, hand holding.. or anything else.. so, innocent as it can be but still a milestone.

Ezekiel. He has always been the "special" one. He has the sweetest spirit of any kid I think I know. I don't know how many times in his 11 *yes 11* years I have heard " I like all your boys, but there is something special about MY Ezekiel" He has belonged to everyone that has ever known him!! This child for the first time this last year has learned about people that don't just love him. It is completely heart breaking to think about but he has been picked on quite abit this last year. Most of it comes from a couple girls. If I was like my mom, I would tell him "they think you are cute" or.. "they like you and just don't know what to say" but I don't want my son to think that people need to treat him bad to show him that they care about him. So I tell him, you can ask them to stop and if they don't, you can leave the situation and come be with me. I have talked to the mothers *as it is at our church fellowship which is VERY small* and they have worked on dealing with the issue on their end, which is good.. but MAN is it hard to not just yell at these kids and say don't you know that you TREASURE a great person like this, not PICK on him?!?! I mean really, if your chips are down, Ez is the one you want on your side. He will cry with you, cuddle with you, laugh with you, whatever you need!!
On the positive side, this has been a HUGE growth year for him!! He will complain that as far as PHYSICAL growth.. that is going slowly.. but man.. School this year has been as easy with him as it always has been with the other 2. He has actually gotten 100% on a language test!! That is almost UNHEARD of with him. He has a hard time with learning *like his mom* and to see him growing like this is amazing!!! God is so good!!! He still doesn't ENJOY school, but it also doesn't take all day and he is getting things more right, less wrong. He is also my little chef! He LOVES to cook! I realized one day that he is 11.. I need to let him in the kitchen if he wants to go there, so.. I have been and man has it paid off! I have had some great meals cause of that!! :) He still says he wants to go into the military when he turns 18. I support him in that.. and pray for him in that!!




Asher. What to say about Asher. He is the one of any of them that I think we pray for and worry about more than the others. He is the only one of our 3 that has not made a personal confession of Christ. Which on the one hand is good. I don't want him saying what he thinks we want to hear but he doesn't believe. His faith has to be a true, lasting faith given by Christ alone and I don't want him saying that is there if it isn't. On the other hand, a mothers heart yearns to know her child will live in eternity with her.. and more importantly, with her God!! But, he is only 9. I don't know that I need to worry TOO much yet. This little one, has always been our hand full. He is a perfectionist TO THE EXTREME! Now I don't mean that he always has a clean room, or that he doesn't make mistakes. But if you tell him to get his room clean. It will be CLEAN. If he is supposed to get school done, it is done and it is done well. Ask Miss Joyce.. since he was a little bitty guy, he has HATED anything imperfect. Down to scribbling when coloring as a 2-3 year old... He still has a bit of a problem with anger that we are dealing with but not as often as it was. I pray that it continues to get better, but I have my concerns that with him getting closer to puberty, and without God to help.. we may be in for a bumpy ride in the next few years.
Asher will drop anything to do anything for you. Although he won't just notice it needs done.. :) He will literally give you the coat off his back if that will help you. But in a lot of ways, he is the baby.. the youngest.. man, he can act spoiled sometimes.. *my fault, I know* I try hard to make him be as responsible as we expected of his brothers at his age.. which is hard when they had different expectations at that age than each other too.. *did that make sense???* well, anyway..
I am loving the ages all my kids are at!! We are having a GREAT time! We have such a blessed life. I love the stages my kids are in. So fun!

Hubby. Sorry the pic isn't great... it is just the most recent I have of him. Guess I need to take some better ones.. :) I am married to the BEST man God ever created. He is patient when I am not... He is caring and loving when I need it. He is strong and hard when I need it.. *although that can be no fun for both of us* He is a superb provider, a wonderful partner and a perfect friend.
He had an interview at work the other day for a promotion. We should find out end of Dec. to beg. of Jan if he got it. This could be a good/bad thing. Good.. obvious reasons.. promotion... that means higher place.. higher pay *in theory* and different position so learning more things... all good.. BUT they will prolly change his hours... well, not prolly, for sure. He will have to go to mon-fri. instead of having 4 work days a week. We aren't sure about the actual hours yet.. not too worried about it till we know if he got the job. But we like where his hours are at now.. so... anyway. We are praying for our will's to be in line with God's will so whatever he has determined will happen, will be easy for us to take! :)

Ok I am done for now... sorry when I don't write in so long... I have alot to say!! Next post *hopefully soon* I will post lots o pics... PROMISE!!

Amazing things

Well, here we are again at one of my *probably now infamous* all nighters. Again God decided that last night, for me, was not going to be a night of peaceful sleep. At this point I am really hoping for a GREAT nap... because we are supposed to drive all night tonight.. *now that it is 5:30 Wed. morning* to drive to Alb. We are so excited to be coming for the wedding of my sweet dear sister *who I have to share with my hubby.. GRIN* to Sam, who has been my brother in my heart for years. We are so amazed at Gods sovereignty and timing in all things. I knew YEARS ago that this day would be here. We just had to wait on God... *and that stubborn Sam....* hahahaha I can't believe that our sweet little Eden is getting married. It blows my mind. She is now our sweet just a bit bigger Eden of course.. but the fact that she is a woman and going to be a wife is just beyond my imaginings this early in the morning. I am so proud to call her my sister and I am equally proud to be able to call Sam *Fred* my brother.
The other thing that God has decided to do recently, is bless us with a minivan. We have some amazing friends here in RR, that go to our church, that like to camp.. as the story goes. So, they bought a pop up trailer. Well, they soon came to realize that all the added weight wasn't good on their van. Instead of giving up their beloved camping, they bought a suburban.
That was in like... oh... July or August I guess... maybe even June.... hmmmmm anyway, I BEGGED God and my husband for this van. It is a 2000 Toyota. I know 10 years old isn't a new vehicle by any means, but they are very good stewards of what God gives them.. so this van is in AMAZING shape for its age. Well, my husband had decided that at this time in our lives, we couldn't add another bill, so no... we couldn't buy their van. I prayed and breathed.. and submited. Then, the van was still there.... and still there.... and every once in a while, I would hit my hubby up with a "what if" ... you know.. "what if" I were able to make some money and pay a monthly bill for it.... "what if" you pay off this bill, then we have "extra" money right? well, of course, every suggestion was met by a no... and every time I saw this van that I love so much, I had to pray... and breathe... and quietly submit.
I haven't been going to church that much recently as my health has gone down hill quite a bit.. and sitting through a church service that sometimes can go as long as 2-2 1/2 hours... I just don'tgo.. cause I can't sit through that long. Well, I guess on one such Sunday several weeks ago, our friends told my husband that they wanted to GIFT us with this van. This van that I have loved and in my heart called my own and prayed to God that if it was meant for us, it wouldn't sell before we had the means to buy it!! My husband tried to argue, because it is such a tremendous gift *Toyota's don't loose value as fast as other cars* But our friend very quickly pulled the "God has told us this is what we are supposed to do" card.. and hubby couldn't argue with that.
Well, somewhere along the way it was decided that I wasn't going to be told. It was going to be a surprise for me. So very innocently, Kathy asked me a couple weeks ago, if we could get together for dinner before we left for Abq on this trip. I thought through all we had going on and said.. ya Tuesday we could come over. She said that would be great! Then, hubby got Wed. off and I threw out there.. hey, now we could go to Abq sooner, because you don't have to work!! And he said, no.. we made a commitment for dinner with our friends, and we aren't going to break that commitment. So, I said, ok. I can't wait to fellowship with this wonderful family anyway!!
So, we are sitting around talking and visiting *not realizing how late it was getting...* and Steve gets up and offers us more tea.. or water... and while he is innocently standing at the counter he says.. hey Tania, are these your keys on the counter over here? I said.. no I left my purse at home.. I don't have any keys here. I looked at my husband and said.. are they yours? He said no.. and Steve says.. no, I really think they are yours. I turned and looked and it was the key to their van. I was speachless. ok... sorry.. I should have made sure you were sitting.. I know.. ME ... SPEACHLESS!! that doesn't even happen on paper does it!! But really, at first it was... no... they are kidding.. then it was.. did hubby buy it and not tell me..??? and then it was... WHAT?! and then I was just shaking for the next like... 30 minutes.. and then.. I got in the van.. in the DRIVERS SEAT! and I couldn't stop bouncing around like a puppy looking at the back door!!!
WHAT A BLESSING!!! So, turns out.. we couldn't skip dinner and come to the Q earlier becuase, we were going to have a nice comfy VAN to drive instead of our cramped, uncomfortable truck!!! See... told ya!! Amazing things!!!! Isn't God great!?!?! Like there was a doubt... Then, he decides, that I am going to be up all night... well, as long as there is a nap in my not to distant future, I guess, I can cope!!! Ok.. that is my update!! Loves and hugs!!

Why...

Ok.. here is my gripe of the day.. Why is it that bone in chicken is so STINKING hard for me to get right?!!?!? I mean.. I can work miracles with boneless meat!! But put a chicken leg in front of me and lunch is going to take FOREVER! I have had chicken in the oven now for.... 2 hours.. and it is still bleeding... now is it just me or does that seem a little LONG to anyone else!?!??! Yes, the oven is ON... it is on at the temp that the recipe called for! I just don't understand. If it was boneless peices, it would be finished by now and we would have happily full tummies... instead of smelling the deliciousness that we can't taste yet for fear of illness and or death!!! :S Ok... I feel better now.. thank you for letting me get that off my chest! :)

A day of reflection...

Today has been quite a day of reflection for me. This day marks the end of my 14th year as a mom. I can't believe that it has been that long. So much has happened in that time!!!
I like to start the day teasing my kids with, at this time.. so and so years ago.. I was at this stage in labor... Of course, with Ethan that started EARLY Saturday morning the 4th of Nov. and didn't end until a c-sec at about 11:30 Sunday Nov. 5. So I REALLY give him a hard time. haha of course, I tell him the hardest to deliver has been the easiest to raise, so at some point I have to give him a break on the birth thing.. hahah
I went from being a *semi* carefree teenager, to being a single mom. Not as bad as it is for some single moms cause of course my son's dad was super involved and paid for everything so I didn't have to work... We have gotten married, had 2 more kids... I have homeschooled... which I never pictured doing, and anyone who knows me knows it is a miracle that I have made it this long!! I can look back and say.. I taught him to talk, to walk.. I potty trained him.. taught him to read, to write.. to do addition and subtraction. God is so good to give me the time and the ability and giving me His patience to get through and teach him all of this!!!
We have gone through loosing my mom. That was hard on everyone. In some ways, hardest on Ethan. I wish she could have been around to see the man he is growing into. God has blessed me with such a sweet, kind, funny, handsome, playful, cute, helpful, affectionate, all over great young man. I know she would be more proud of my boy today than she was the day he was born.. .and she was REALLY proud that day! hahah 2 rolls of film before he was 24 hours old.. :) Oh if there had been digital pictures then... I think everyone in the US and overseas that my mom had ever met would have had pictures of him!!!
I have grown so much as a mom, and a wife and a person in the last 14 years. I know I owe alot of it to Ethan. Things I see in myself through him that I realize I need to change. Things I want him to know and learn that he can't if I don't teach him. Learning that the best way to teach is through what they see in my life. I really have to be super careful about how I act, what I say, what I do.. and the older that I get.. and the older that he gets.. the more stuff comes up!!
I want to take this opportunity to thank God for my son. Thank God for the blessing that He gave to us 14 years ago in the form of this person that is so incredible that I couldn't be prouder of!!! Thank you to my mom and dad for my life.. and to Rick and LaRee for Jedidiah's life.. without them, I would have no life, no husband and no children to enrich my life every day.
Thank you to my friends that have been here for me for all these years. I would not have made it without them. This life that I have been molding and shaping and loving and nurturing for all these years, only has 4 more years of our guidance till he is an adult and is "on his own". I covet all the prayers and suggestions and help and love that I can get over these next 4 years of final preperation. Out of everything in my parenting life, I have prayed for God to guide me in raising 3 generous, prosperous, wonderful men of God. The closer 18 creaps to us, the more I am reminded of just how helpless and useless I really am in this process ultimately!
Thanks for "listening" to my little speach.
I love you my Ethan.. Happy birthday to my sweet son!!!

New school year

Well, we finally got our new school books. So, we are back into our schedule of starting school at 9 am. That has been nice. And live every year the first week has gone pretty well! The kids really get excited about school at the beginning because it is all new.. I have been in a pretty bad flair, I just started steroids yesterday, so I am feeling a little less pain today, but the steroids make me feel blech too.. so, I am just resting... but hey, I did school with the boys on the couch today! Whatever works right?! And we got it all done. My hubby and the kids got the house spotless for me on monday.. hubby even shampooed the carpets.. and the boys have a new chore schedule. So it is nice to sit in a nice clean house, with the boys chores all done. Everyone can relax and have fun for the afternoon. I have to go to court tomorrow... I got a ticket that I am fighting. So, that is the excitement of the week!!! Pray for favor to come my way!!! Enjoy the snow in Abq!!! I will enjoy the warm weather here!!

Here in Texas

Here in Texas, there is not much going on. We aren't doing any real school yet.. the boys are just doing math still. Hubby is out of town for 2 weeks. This is the second Oct in a row that hubby has gone out of town for a couple weeks. I don't think this is something I want to continue. :)
I am taking some new meds for my fibro that I think are helping some.. I have been in pain this week, but the weather has been starting to change drastically, so that might be the reason. Other than this week, I seem to be doing much much better. Ethan is doing well in Algebra. He enjoys going to class. He has really been wanting more social time than he ever has before... thats been strange hahaha Ezekiel is growing up alot. I don't know that he has gotten physically bigger, but he looks older and is starting to act a little more mature.. Asher is getting older too. He is still the baby and as such, he still has some attitude issues that we need to deal with. I am getting ready to start babysitting for a new baby. He will be born the end of this month. That is going to be fun! So when we get back from Abq. from the wedding, I will have a new little baby in the house again. :) At least it is a boy.. we know how to do boy. hahaha Hope all is well with everyone!! Sorry for the delay, i just don't feel like I have alot to tell... :)

6 AM

Here I sit.. 6 AM.. After another night that I was up.. all night long. Every attempt to sleep failed... These nights are happening more and more often. I think I am going to have to ask my Dr for something. I hate the thought that I have to take something just to get the sleep that I need. I am having a feeling sorry for myself moment. I try not to... but it is hard. I don't want to take drugs to sleep. I don't want to take drugs to get through the day without pain.. I want to be able to do all the things that other young moms like me can do. I want to walk my kids to the park.. I want to have the energy to go grocery shopping and then still be able to do something fun with my kids. I am tired of being bored out of my mind.. and SO LONELY and not be able to do anything with anyone. I am frustrated with myself for being unhappy about being where God wants me. I love my family. I love my hubby I love my wonderful, beautiful boys. I love my house. I don't want to complain about the one hard thing that God has asked me to endure. I keep hoping with each new thing we try, that I might get a little better.. and each time I am disappointed. I am to where I don't even want to hope. I just want to get by. I just want to go through a whole week that I don't feel like a failure as a mom and a wife. Where I can feel like I did for my family what I should be doing. I want my boys to know that I do all that I can with them, and that I wish I could do more. Ok.. I will stop complaining now. Thanks for listening..and thanks for praying.